Screeching halt?

Yeah, it's been a while. If you haven't figured it out yet, I'm chronic for forgetting passwords and such things. I know shame on me!
Well things have been a little hecktic. My brother went to and graduated from boot camp. He's now a full fledge Marine. It's kinda odd, he seems so freakishly tall now.

I've also realized how much help he was. I could always go up to him and say. "Hey! Let's go catch one of the horses." And he'd usually be up for it. Now I'm kinda on my own, I can't wedge anyone else out of the sofa to save my life.

Last time I did it was a while ago and gee, it didn't go so hot. I meant to blog about it earlier, but never got around to it. I finally talked someone into giving me a hand with Shadow, catching her and holding her while I groom and tack up, well. Of course she dances a bit a soon as she lays her eyes on the tack. *commence eye roll* But I shrugged it off. All our horses did that. She relaxed and was all lovey dovey when it came to grooming, and we got her tacked up in no time.
I had her lunged she reacted and did everything I asked perfectly., but appearently it wasn't enough. I decided I was going to crawl up into the saddle while she was on the lounge line. For some reason we had someone else's saddle on her. A size 16 and half a bit big from my 15 barrel saddle, but I ignored it. We were just riding around in the yard. Pfft. That little fact probably saved my butt.

Everything started out smoothly. Pefect walk, responded well when I put her into a trot. But we were a little too close to the fence so we moved further into the yard. She did give a little flinch when part of the yard sloped, but I paid no attention to it. Heh. if you know of my confidence issues, you know I'm lying now. I was trying my best to ignore it and be positive. I didn't want her picking up on that.

Well we get to the flat spot in the yard, She was given slack in the lounge line to get her started again, when all hell just broke loose. I just remember grabbing the horn and thinking. I have to stay on or we'll be back at square one. I have to stay on. (She only had the lunge line, no bridle Or I would have had those reins.) To put it this way, for a horse as small as she is, she can get up in the air certainly far. She dosen't know what 'crow hop' means. She just go's from 0-90. My step dad had to tell me this, becaus honestly, I just remember her head and neck going through the motions. I was told I stayed on for the majority of it, but I did come unglued and I don't know how, but I ended up landing on my hands an knees. Let me tell you something, it dosen't matter how you land, if your going to fall on Oklahoma clay. It still hurts like hell. I pulled some muscles in my back, to where I couldn't sit up or stnad up straight. If I could have I would have gotten right back on. She had me so pissed off. I was cussing like a mad woman. So we lunged her again, and the riding stopped at that. Never ride when angry. And angry I was.

I thought at first maybe something had spooked her, but after looking around, we found nothing and really that just disappointed me. I've decided to send her off to a friend of ours, he did extremely well with breaking and conditioning some of our other horses. But first things first, gotta have the money to do so. -Sigh- This'll take a while.

The Good Through the Bad

I've awaited the weekend with mixture of things going through my mind. Somehow adrenaline seemed to over power fear in the hours that I waited. With the weather too cold for Saturday, we opted for Sunday. I shouldn't have waited. I should have gritted my teeth, froze my ass off and did the deed. But I won't be toughing it out until some one starts putting windshield wipers on glasses.

I guess it was deemed to be my luck that, it be foggy and misting all day yesterday, that was kind of depressing, as all dreary weather seems to be. But hey, at least it was warmer! As it turns out, Shadow wasn't going to have a good day either. The shoer also came that morning.
-Dun Dun Dun!- Like usual, Shadow played the "Catch me if you Can!" charade, but with a little feed, she was quickly subdued, baited, caught, and stalled. She behaved, pretty much, but Shadow has always been weary of farriers and her hooves. A couple of years ago another farrier had trimmed her hooves too short, it left her to bruise when she tried to walk. She barely tried to walk for weeks after that. She's been touchy about her back hooves ever since, but thankfully her hooves are back to the healthy stage they need to be. But don't think for one second we don't darken the other man's reputation when his name is brought up.

Well, we let her loose, of course she takes off like a bat out of hell. Short horses can run when the want to! Trust me on that. I'd been watching the mist and cloud cover with some anxiousness, and thought it best to wait until the misting stopped. I happen to like to see where I'm going. So I leave her be for a couple of hours. The sun finally begins to peek through the clouds, The weather warms up even more. Ah! Things are looking great and I'm getting excited. Nice lovely warm day. Well I drag the tack to the porch and it's time to go fetch her. She might as well have told me to go to hell with her evasiveness, but this is nothing new. Onward to the feed bucket. Might as well get the horses fed then just take her from the stall when she's done. Simple right?
Er..wrong! We get everybody to their perspective feeders, but Shadow won't come to the barn. She just stands there. Like "Heh, this horse won't hunt." She had wised up to us!
But with some coaxing, she finally went into the barn and we quickly stalled her up.
Never underestimate the mighty power of 12 percent baby beef feed with corn!

We go inside, to get some drinks while we're waiting for her to finish up eating. The wind starts to pick up. I can't help but give an inward groan at that. Fierce winds and horse ears don't exactly make a happy horse, but eh. They usually live with it. Well we go get her, hitch her to the front porch to get her groomed. She's very well behaved, even relaxed. so I started getting high hopes. My brother tacks her up, and starts to warm her up for me, but slowly and surely her tune begins to change and she doesn't want to cooperate and she's fighting him the entire way. She's in heat. My brother shakes his head. And basically tells me, that he didn't think it would be a good day to ride her. It wouldn't be a good time to try and build my confidence. And as much as me an my brother disagree on about everything, horses keep us on a common ground. And I trust his judgement, he wants me to ride almost as bad as I do. I guess he's tired of riding by himself and just wont admit it. =)

I grudgingly agree, but now I can't help but be disappointed, but we've had shadow put in a corral, so she can get the work she so desperately needs. Which, yes even I will say there is a lot of ground work she needs. With some work every day, we figured by next weekend, when she's out of her heat that's she'll be even better and more geared to working. I can only hope to be logical.

Today however, does mark a new beginning in some way. Not only is today my 21st birthday. I also bought myself a very big gift. I wrote the check out for Showdown's Valentine this morning. Despite my set back I somehow feel uplifted. Today is my first day of ownership.
I can't wait to send off her papers and see my name in print. So strange how happy that makes me, despite the dreary rain.

I did record some video of my brother giving her the warm up, I'll post that as soon as I can figure out my video program. I've had this computer for a little over a year and I've not once ever touched Windows movie maker. Like Shadow, this is bound to be an interesting feat.

Finding my way back to the saddle.

I can't tell you how it started, because honestly, I'm not sure how my obsession with horses began. It's been my gift, as well as my curse. As I was growing up, yes, I was one of those kids who begged for a horse every Christmas and birthday. I collected every book I could get my hands on, drinking it up as if I would never get a chance. I got that chance.

I also became afraid of the very animal I worship. Somehow between the lines of riding a horses every time it presented it's self, and bringing my own home, I lost my fearlessness. I can hardly explain it. But despite my, throat tightening, hard to swallow expiriences, I still fell in love.

Her name, Showdown Valentine. She's my stocky sorrel mare, my salvation and my problem child all at once. Out of the four horses that my step father owns, she is the eldest at the age of 10. She's also the most dominant one, the lead mare who wont quit until the others understand that this is her world, they just reside in it. She's prissy, hard to catch when you bring out that halter, and has just as much problems as I do. Like me she gets nervous easily, and for some reason is the most accident prone out of the four. When I confess my undying love for "Shadow." people shake their heads and tell me, "She's not for you. You need a more suitable horse." Somehow they miss how she behaves with me. I dread feeding time, it becomes a frenzy with horses fighting over each other just to get to me, as I'm carrying the bucket into the barn. Their squabbles are unnerving. But where is shadow? In her stall...waiting. When the horses are being groomed and their fidgeting on their lead ropes, causing me to hold my breath, Shadow is still.
She acts up, I'll admit, but when I have to handle her, she has always behaved for me.

I had not once in my life, seen a horse's tears. She showed me that. After she was bought from an Auction, we immediately rode her. My little brother rode her, there wasn't a problem. When it was my turn, I was nervous. Sweaty palms, butterflies in the gut, the works. I have a small problem, I wouldn't call it a disability, I just call it a challenge, I have a foot that is crooked, so it' makes mounting a little difficult and at times painful. It can be a pain in the ass, but if a doctor were to want to operate I'd probably would tell him it's too late. I've lived with it all my life, I'm used to it and it's apart of me, but it doesn't make me who I am. Well, I put my foot in the stirrup. Eh. No big deal, But as I went to swing my leg over, the heel of my boot kicked her square in the flank. She crow hopped, once, twice, and with one good buck I went flying off. I don't remember hitting the ground, but I do remember the pain afterward. Anyone who has landed on dry hard clay knows what I'm talking about. And I did the dumbest thing I could ever do. I didn't get back on.

It was a couple days later, shadow was saddle again, ridden around in the round pen, and I was asked if I'd like to ride. I stared at her from between the cold green panels, watching her look at me just as curiously. Part of me wanted to, but I shook my head and chickened out. Again. Stupid on my part. But then I saw them, these silvery large tears, falling from her big brown eyes. It killed me. I felt as though I had hurt her in someway. I later learned that her former owner had her for his daughter, who was around my own age, to show but She decided she wanted something else. It was then, I think that I decided that I wanted her.

I've ridden her a handful of times since then. They would only be 20 minuets or so before I could no longer bare my nervousness, but would be proud of myself that I had done it and couldn't wait to do it again. But then Shadow and her accident loving self, had had an accident. It's been a couple of months now.

But today, my Showdown Valentine was able to put a grin on my face. My brother and some friends decided to go riding down the street. They had a girl with them who had never ridden before, They started her out of cherry, a Zan par mare we have who does extremely well, but she does not give me that trusting 'Vibe" that I get from Shadow, so I myself have never ridden her, though many have told me I should. My brother was on shadow, thinking that she would be as difficult to ride as she had been to catch this morning after months of not being ridden. The hours went by, and my brother and his friends came trotting up the drive. But lo' and behold, my brother wasn't the one riding shadow, but the girl who had no experience at all.

According to my brother, Cherry was acting very sorely and attacking and kicking at the other horses (This usually isn't like her, even I will say that.), terrifying the new rider to the point my brother had to to switch horses with her. Shadow was the best behaved horse out of the bunch!

I just grinned. I couldn't help it. I've planed to take her out this weekend when the weather is nicer. Despite how that scares me, I can't wait. How strange is that? I learned a few hours ago, that Shadow had been shown. I'm not sure in what, so as I dig through AQHA to find the answers, I've given the pair of us a goal. I would love to compete in a show with her. I'd be happy just to be able to participate in an open trail class with her. So I suppose This is what this blog is for. A map of our journey to that point. A point to where I can stop doubting what I know and a point we can act more like a team. I don't look for prizes or ribbons, because I know if I was to make it to that stage, I would have found my way back to the saddle, and that would be enough for me.